Musing from Inside

I am in the middle of a rainstorm. You are the thunder and the lightening and as frightened a I am I also know that I will be just fine. Everything has a rhyme and a reason and this is the season where my colors start to fade. Maybe I need to go away. This was the wake up call that people say things that when they are no in the middle. I have grown up with people telling me exactly what my relationships should look like, how I should act, and what I should be okay with.

This week has been difficult already. I know that I am no fun to be around. I am constantly on the verge of tears, my heart hurts, my head hurts, and I really just want to disappear. I am not okay and I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I am not okay, I am not okay, I am not okay. I just need to scream, I need to vent, I need to write words that people will read and not yell at. This is me expressing the hurt inside. Things are broken, things hurt. I have hit my bottom again and don’t know how yet I will be clawing my way out. I have no idea why everything feels this way.

I have this issue where if someone has ever felt a way towards me or said something negative towards me I never forget. I don’t do it on purpose, my anxiety will pull it out whenever I have to interact with you. Things are just too blah right now. I will write more later, better later.